Being with a Sadguru

Being with a Sadguru- Anant Sri

You say that you see me into the eyes, and you feel as if you are dissolving. It is true that when you dive into the vast consciousness, your boundaries begin to dissolve, your pseudo identities leave you and you feel as if you have no individuality. It is just like a drop falling into the ocean, the drop is not lost, the drop is there but not as a drop, its boundaries are gone, it becomes the ocean.

When you are in love with the Sadguru then your identity dissolves and therefore a fear is felt, and this is good. The fear of losing yourself is there but isn’t it  the same in love, there also you are losing yourself to the other. The boundaries dissolve and then they exist as one, there is no other.

Consciousness is one vast expansion and whenever you feel that, it has to be one, there cannot be two. But for the drama of love to continue, you return to your individuality and the two are there again. But when you return you are not the same, there is an exchange that has taken place, you bring along with you something of the consciousness of the beloved within you and leave something of yours with it. The play is beautiful.

You say that even though fear is there but there is great pull also, great attraction is there. Certainly, attraction is there because somewhere you have the feeling that the other is none other than you and the moment your identity begins to dissolve in this pull, fear begins to rise. It is true that in love there is no room for fear but at the same time it is also true that love cannot exist without fear. It appears to be contradictory but all the same both are facts and they both exist.

The limitation in expression is that the words are limited; there are not enough words to describe the various shades of feelings. So, when we say fear here, we mean that the feeling may somewhat fall in the category of fear, but it is not exactly fear that we understand. Fear has different shades, and it is not negative as we think it to be. Negativity assigned to fear is the interpretation of the mind. Fear supports and harmonizes in many ways. It brings about a discipline in us. Fear can be constructive and should not always be seen with condemnation.

Then to imagine me on a peak and then may be somewhere in the valley is quite true coming from the deeper level of understanding where you are able to see the total picture. Had it come from the superficial mind you would only imagine me on the peak as it is the desire of all followers to see their Guru on the top. But imagining me elsewhere indicates that the understanding is deep, from beyond the superficial understanding.

Imagining me as a lotus, as part of the world yet unaffected by it, as something beyond, is complete seeing, for both happen simultaneously. I am in the world, yet I am not there is something of a mystery. To see clearly you must explore and accept the possibility of all opposites. No one thing can be said with certainty that this is the only thing. There are innumerous possibilities.

A Sadguru is there, and a Sadguru is not there. Nobody can create it, nobody can make it happen; it is a conspiracy of existence, it is a mystery and shall ever remain a mystery. It is not a secret that one day it will be revealed; someday you will come to know. No, it falls into the expanse of unknowable.